The Internet Movie Database lists two writers for the new Dwayne Johnson movie Faster. If it was accurate it would list every action scribe in existence for this cliche-driven beast or alternatively come up with a new NOT APPLICABLE designation.

This diabolical mishmash of violence, ridiculous car driving and poor sound editing throws nearly every cliche at the unwitting viewer.

In fact if you were playing a drinking game that involved action banality and plagiarism you would be roaring drunk a mere half an hour into Faster.

Which would actually be preferable to watching this stereotypical drivel.

On paper the story is of a con being released from prison and immediately going on a murderous rampage against those who killed his brother.

In reality it's unnecessary slow-motion shots mixed with poor dialogue and peppered with giant potholes and inexplicable actions.

They throw in a slight curve ball with both the police and a likeable assassin chasing The Rock but even the potentially charismatic killer is hampered by a hokum myriad of overused background cliches. I mean he's an internet whiz kid who overcame a childhood disability to become a rich ultimate sport junkie who became a hitman while in love with a beautiful woman who he is contemplating spending the rest of his life with. Oh and he has an accent too. Could you cram much more into the character? Not that they really utilise it anyway.

Despite a strong cast - Billy Bob Thornton, Tom Berenger, Maggie Grace and Carla Gugino - the insipid script ensures this movie will be memorable for all the wrong reasons.

The opening scene - in which the warden delivers a ridiculous exposition speech that is unrealistic in its sympathy, language and plausibility - sets the scene for a film that managed to disappoint even my already low expectations.

Perhaps Faster is part of Sony's anti-piracy strategy. How else could you explain a picture that represents a waste of bandwidth for even those with unlimited plans?

This is not only the early candidate for worst movie of the year, it might even challenge for the title for the past decade.

Even watching the trailer of Faster means the terrorists win.


EDIT: Sadly this system doesn't allow me to give less than a 1 star rating. It certainly wouldn't allow me to give it the 0.2 out of 5 I wanted to.