Narcissism 101

The Truth About Edward Cullen

Let me just first point out, this is not a film review for the movie 'Twilight', this is just a piece of my mind.

Last night I decided it was finally time I watched the movie. There have always been mixed opinions on it and for some reason I’ve always been on the negative end of the spectrum... but really this isn’t a fair attitude if I’ve never actually seen it. After watching it I felt heartbroken for the legend that was created by Anne Rice; author of some of the best vampire novels ever written. She’d be rolling over in her grave if she were dead.

As a somewhat secret admirer to the mystery that is the undead, I’ve watched the authors and directors play around with the concept for the better part of a decade now. Ranging from Joss Whedon’s ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ which came from the silver screen adaptation directed by Fran Rubel Kuzui, to other great pieces of film such as, Interview with a Vampire, The Lost Boys and even the Blade and Underworld Trilogies (note some films mentioned might be older than a decade, but ten years ago I was 13 and just opening my eyes to such cinema).

But these new-age vampires? They suck. And not in the good way.

But my biggest gripe isn't about how poorly they treat the vampire legend - it's how young woman of all western civilisations around the world find this romantic.

Whilst drafting this blog I’ve been in a constant status war with friends from my Facebook community, so at times I will be referring to the points that have been brought forward. So... where do I begin?

Robert Pattinson seen as Edward Cullen, plays the seemingly charming co-lead to the protagonist Bella Swann played by Kirsten Stewart. The chemistry between the two was said to be the on-screen romance of the decade. I think whoever wrote that needs to remember a decade is a long time, and a lot of good cinema has been written over the past 10 years.

More to the point is the constant fame and desire being given to such a romantic duo *gag* excuse me for throwing up in my mouth a little bit, but what in that film was romantic and desirable? I mean when she asked him if he was following her he replied with, and I quote "I.. I feel very protective of you". Now I know that if I was at a school and some new girl rocked up, and all I did was stare at her, and then tell her that, I don't think she'd be impressed. Nor if I told her she was my own personal brand of heroin. By this stage I think the cops would be called, and facing harassment charges (all the while just doing what you all think is romantic - most people call it stalking).

Let’s not look past the fact, where he mentioned to Bella that his kind are the world’s most dangerous predators. They have the ability to lure in their prey with scent, looks and charm. So the vampire admits he could trick her into loving him. Very romantic. And sort of throws doubt upon the truth and depth of their attachment.

If you quoted his lines and mannerisms to any average girl you’d meet on the street you’d be ignored or locked up pretty quick I think. And there wouldn't be any “Only Kasey Can Bite Me” shirts getting around.

So why are girls rushing to throw their panties at him? It can’t be the acting, in an interview he did alongside Paramore’s lead singer Hayley Williams, he repeatedly said he wasn’t that good, and that he struggled to master basic facial expressions. Well at least he isn’t up himself. So add average acting with an even more average script and you’ve got what? Romance? Please! I’ve seen more romantic things stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

I won’t spend time on how I thought the script work, general acting and effects were so second rate. That is not what displeased me as people make crappy films all the time. After all the hype I watched this expecting an epic love story to the standard of Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo and Juliet or Titanic. But I can't see where the epic romance is here. You just often see such a following of tasteless drones that try and relate their own love life’s to something so bad.

Lessons need to be learnt and fantasies need to be crushed, if girls are going to day dream over this nonsense for any longer, then their private lives are only going to decrease. I’ve been informed that towards the last book the character's actions towards each other are romantic, but this judgement call is being made off the first movie, so god forbid why they decided to make a second. I think mummies and daddies all around the world need to stop giving their teenage pubescent daughters pocket money to spend on such filth, then maybe the box office wouldn’t have done so well which in turn is helping fund the sequel.

So to sum it all up, normal nice and decent guys don’t act like this, and if they did... well you’d probably think they were a creep. Yet another perfectly good example as to why woman are so screwed up in the head. Just for the record, because I am not an Edward Cullen fan does not mean I am a Jacob fan either. God, seriously, I can’t believe I was even asked that...

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