Superhero Diaries
The EX-factor
- Details
- Category: Superhero Diaries
- Published on Saturday, 13 November 2010 14:22
- Written by Anthony Sherratt
- Hits: 379
Everyone has a monster or two in their past. And no, I'm not talking about the ones beneath our bed when we were four. I'm talking about the person who used to give you massages but now makes voodoo dolls. The one who seemingly magically went from 'the one' to 'the one I hope I never see again'.
I talk, of course, about The Ex.
Most of my friends have amazing tales about psychos, stalkers and bunny boilers. Many of the tales would curl/straighten your hair.
But I don't really have that problem.
I'm friends with nearly all my exes. Very close friends with most of them. Personally I don't understand how you can open yourself to someone and expect to be able to just turn off that emotion like a tap.
In my opinion only three things stop you from being friends with an ex. Anger, insecurity or a court order.
Essentially my philosophy comes down to the point: If you liked them enough once to share secrets and/or life with, how can you just shut them out? Maybe it's just me but I can't just flick the switch from love to hate: it's just not that black and white.
You share so much with long-term relationships, it might be possible to separate yourself physically but it's not fully possible to divorce yourself from your emotions.
I for one have never been able to treat it as an on-off proposition but i believe that's actually a strength as it allows me to look beyond any insecurities and anger to the person beyond.
The person I felt for (whether it be love or lust), the person I shared stuff with, the person who is a human being too. If you can be bluntly honest with both yourself and your ex then there's no real reason you can't stay friends.
And it's not just long-term relationships that grow and flower.
I've found that even a brief relationship or casual fling can grow into an extremely deep and long friendship with initial honesty, acceptance and respect. Heck sometimes the sex - however casual - only strengthens the ties. After all you have no secrets or need of them once someone's seen your orgasm face. Oh and the rest of your body too of course.
Social mores and the worrying about how we're perceived has claimed too many victims and in this age of mass communication it's about time people started taking ownership of their lives and live with a bit more honesty and integrity.
I think people have to stop treating sex like the enemy and realise the real problems are the ones inside ourselves. Our insecurities, our fear of judgement, our guilt or inability to be completely honest even with ourselves.
