Coming Third

What Do Your Pockets say about you?

Pockets—who invented them?   Well, none of the thousands of people I asked on a late night telephone survey know for sure, but one thing we do know about pockets from the highly erotic and controversial  "A Very Brief History of the Pocket" H2G2 Online Encyclopedia http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A798159” is that the word “Pocket” orginates from the 13^th  Century from Anglo-French “pokete” meaning “bag” or “sack.”   

By the 18^th century, pockets we’re being sewn directly into men’s trousers, and the rest, as those of us in the know say, is history. Since its invention, the pocket has been a place to put something, but since we’re only human, we have unconsciously adapted the pocket as a form of expression.    It’s an all-telling form of expression, which led my great-Aunt “Shoeless”  Marian Daniels to say, “Don’t listen to a man’s words, look at a man’s pockets.”    

Pocket Signs 

One hand in pocket--I have a lame hand/I'm kind of insecure/I'm playing with my balls with one hand

Pocket liner sticking out of pocket--I have special needs/I dressed in the dark/I've just been mugged/I'm wearing my pants inside out/I'm pissed/I'm stoned

Two hands in pockets--My hands are cold/I'm really insecure/I'm playing with my balls/I'm stealing something/I'm stealing my balls/Where's my fucking wallet/I have lizard hands

Lots O'Pockets--I'm a Carney guy who has a surprise in every pocket and/or I'm a paedophile and/or I'm a photographer and/or I want you to think I'm a photographer but I'm actually a paedophile

Pens in Pockets--I'm a nerd that makes 5 times more than you do.

One or both thumbs in pockets--I'm a Douche Bag, or I'm self-concious about my thumbs, which probably makes me a douche bag anyway/I'm a cowboy (most cowboys are actually douche bags)

Condom Outline in Pocket--I haven't been laid or matured since high school, but nonetheless, I'm ready, and I want you to know I'm ready.

Hole in Pocket--I like skin on skin action/Where the fuck are my car keys!?!? One hand in my pocket, the other hand is giving a peace sign—I'm Alanis Morissette

One hand in my pocket, the other hand is giving a high five-- I'm Alanis Morissette One hand in my pocket, the other hand playing the piano-- I'm Alanis Morissette

One hand in my pocket, the other hand is hailing a taxi cab-- I'm Alanis Morissette

 One hand in my pocket, the other hand is a hook--I'm Pirate Alanis Morissette  Both Hands in Van Morrison’s pockets—He’s gonna call the police on you Brass in Pocket—I'm special, so special. Rocket in Pocket—I don’t know what to do

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