Rapture Postponed Till 21 October 2011
- Details
- Category: Coming Third
- Published on Monday, 30 May 2011 14:00
- Written by Rhett Bendorf
- Hits: 2344
On behalf of Harold Camping, www.judgementday2011.com, and The American Society of The Batshit Crazy, we would like to regretfully announce that Rapture 2011, initially scheduled for 21 May 2011, has been postponed till 21 October 2011, due to a serious mental illness. For those of you who purchased Doomsday 2011 T-Shirts, these shirts are still valid till the end of the world, or until the end of the year, whichever comes first. For those of you who committed suicide in anticipation of the doomsday, what for no other logical explanation other than 'to beat the traffic,' well, we're really, really, really sorry. That's the problem with predicting doomsday, when you're wrong, everyone on earth thinks you're a dickhead, but when you're right, everyone on earth is dead (and thinks you're a dickhead posthumously).
Jesus was here on 21 May, as predicted, but very few people realised it, and you were likely one of them (Believe you me, we are not trying to save face here, only save souls...and sell t-shirts (http://judgementday2011.spreadshirt.com/i-survived-judgement-day-2011-A7537759/customize/color/1) for just $20.40 plus postage or buy now and no interest or payments till 2013.
Barring any natural disasters, world war, global killer viral outbreaks, nuclear fallout, etc, we are committed to bringing you the best possible Rapture ever on 21 October 2011. In the event Rapture doesn't happen on 21 October, the Australian Leg of the Elton John World Tour will go ahead as normal in November, get your tickets at www.ticketek.com.au now!
Thanking You!
What Do Your Pockets say about you?
- Details
- Category: Coming Third
- Published on Wednesday, 04 May 2011 04:00
- Written by Rhett Bendorf
- Hits: 945
Pockets—who invented them? Well, none of the thousands of people I asked on a late night telephone survey know for sure, but one thing we do know about pockets from the highly erotic and controversial "A Very Brief History of the Pocket" H2G2 Online Encyclopedia http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A798159” is that the word “Pocket” orginates from the 13th Century from Anglo-French “pokete” meaning “bag” or “sack.”
Maybe This Is Just A Beta Test?
- Details
- Category: Coming Third
- Published on Saturday, 19 June 2010 14:00
- Written by Rhett Bendorf
- Hits: 445
I think the human race has gotten it all wrong. Most people assume that we are the final release, but it just struck me the other day, what if we are Windows Version 3.5. A lot of people question the existence of God because things aren't perfect, but maybe God is as smart as Bill Gates, and realised that it might take a few versions to get it right--Single cell organisms were pong, Dinosaurs were Atari, Monkeys are Commodore 64 or Colecovision, and humans are an early vision of Windows. Well God, I think you've done an amazing job; however, this version has the following flaws:
1. Male Patterned Baldness--I don't know what the hell happened, but about 35 years in using this version, my unit lost its hair.
2. Erectile Dysfunction--My unit was fine, but a friend of mine, I'll call him "Buke Lallard" had major problems.
Other than that, all good!
AD/BC: It's A Long Way To The Top
- Details
- Category: Coming Third
- Published on Sunday, 23 January 2011 04:00
- Written by Rhett Bendorf
- Hits: 717
Aus Vegas
- Details
- Category: Coming Third
- Published on Thursday, 19 November 2009 14:00
- Written by Rhett Bendorf
- Hits: 511
Somewhere...halfway between Melbourne and Sydney, or halfway between Sydney and Brisbane, or maybe halfway between Sydney, Brisbane, and Melbourne, and approximately 5 hours drive from each, there lies a little bit of land, that can transform the way the way Australians binge drink, gamble, and pay for sex. Aus Vegas. It's a simple formula: A shitload of money, a dash of criminal element, a million gallons of free drinks, cheap rooms, cheap golf, 8 prawn cocktails, lax drug laws, a few dozen brothels, a few dozen chapels, and a lifetime lifeline for all the shitty 'celebrities' on 20 to 1 led by Craig McLachlan.
Build up the roads so piles of arseholes can leave their shitty jobs on Friday night, pile in their cars, and check in by midnight. Build a airport so richer arseholes and their families can fly in. Australia will soon have a major regional centre in its interior, jobs will be created, and the conference and wedding industry will absolutely boom.
All we need is a bazillion bazillion dollars.
